


her pain, her love

by melliegrantsx



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Zelda Spellman-centric, episode 1 part 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:15:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28532772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melliegrantsx/pseuds/melliegrantsx
Summary: "She felt like she couldn’t take it. And she could not take it all. She has always played as a colded strong woman, but actually she is soft inside. And all she ever wanted was love and approval from the people who she loves."episode 1 part 4 headcanontw: self-harm
Relationships: Marie LaFleur/Zelda Spellman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	her pain, her love

**Author's Note:**

> \- English is not my first language, then, sorry for any mistake;   
> \- Good reading ♥

“No one really loves me and no one will ever do” that was what Zelda Spellman was thinking about while she was sitting in her bed. She knew she shouldn’t let the voices get into her head, but it was too late for that. It had been months since her last episode with self-harming, but it was so real what the voices told her that she grabbed her whip from the box she used to keep at her side of the bed. She remembered the voices saying that Sabrina doesn’t consider her as a mother and that Mambo Marie was taking advantage of her. It was too much to process and though it was false, just thinking about it was making her mad. She felt like she couldn’t take it. And she could not take it all. She has always played as a colded strong woman, but actually she is soft inside. And all she ever wanted was love and approval from the people who she loves. And the thought that Marie wasn’t really in love with her, and the thought that the girl she has raised as her child doesn’t consider her as a mother, it was too much. 

And by that time she was whipping her back again, she shouldn’t take her crying. All she wanted was to be loved, but it felt impossible by that time. The pain she was feeling was mixed with pleasure of doing something she thought she deserved. She was the directrix and high-priestess of the coven, but she felt alone even when she was surrounded by everyone -- but it was different with Marie. With Marie she feels a real connection, but what if the voices of that mean spirit were right? What if Marie was just taking advantage of her? She was whipping her back again, and she could feel the blood once again. She was in love with Marie even though she wouldn’t admit it to anyone, even Marie. Zelda was feeling herself so vulnerable and maybe it was the reason for that all. Maybe if she wasn’t in love, just maybe, it wouldn’t have hit her so bad. Poor Zelda, once again crying and self-harming for things that weren't her fault. 

She remembered the first anniversary of her niece who she loved as her own child. The more she cried. Zelda thought she was over the self-harm, but it appears to appear when she gets vulnerable and deep inside she knew it would happen again, that’s why she kept her whip. And more she punished herself: for being so naive and stupid. Of course nobody would love her. Why would anyone love her? She is mean, she is cold, she can’t protect her own coven, then why in the hell would anyone love her? 

Suddenly someone opened the door, it wasn’t Hilda, it wasn’t Sabrina: it was Marie. Zelda quickly let her whip fall on the floor and turned around, wiping her tears. 

“My dear Zelda, what are you doing?” 

“Nothing.” she said -- in a hoarse voice -- but Marie saw what she was really doing. 

Marie sat on the bed, by her side and touched her shoulder and then her back, gently. Of course she knew what was going on, she had seen Zelda’s scars before. 

“I know what you are doing, beloved” -- Marie said -- “How did you end up like this?” 

“You don’t know what I’ve heard from that spirit today” Zelda finally spoke up “All my fears, it got into my head”

“And what did you hear?” - Marie asked, carefully. 

Zelda was in silence for a long time, and Mambo Marie kept by her side, holding her hands. 

“Can I ask you something?” Zelda finally talked. 

“Yes, ma chérie” 

“Do you love me?” Zelda was trembling. 

Mambo Marie was quite in silence for a few seconds until she passed her fingers through Zelda’s hair and said: 

“Of course, my dearest. Why would I spend all this time here if I don’t love you? You are the reason I’m still here and I will love you forever and ever.” 

Zelda was crying again, but this time because no one has ever said that to her. Not in that way. She has had a lot of boyfriends and girlfriends growing up, but no one said that to her. Actually, she had always been used one way or another. She thought it would be different with Father Blackwood, but it was the same. And finally hearing that she could be and that she is loved, it felt so good.

“I love you too.” She said crying once again. 

“You and I, we are bigger than your fears, ma chérie. You are my whole world.”

Zelda and Marie kissed, a long and passionate kiss. All she ever wanted was to feel this way. She felt a lot of pain early and thought it was what she deserves: pain. But now, no. She knows she can beat her fears and she can beat her fears with love. Love by Marie, and Sabrina, and Hilda, and Ambrose. She knows now that she isn’t alone, she has a family. And it is okay to be vulnerable sometimes. 

After that, a few days later, she threw her whip in the garbage and made a promise that she would never do this again. 

**Author's Note:**

> \- I haven't seen the entire season yet, but I know zarie didn't end up very well. But well... that's headcanon, who cares? 
> 
> \- Pls, reviews are important! I hope you enjoyed, xx


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